Searching for Answers

A salt soaked tear caresses my lip rolling along until it soaks into my shirt. I think of the waste, the people without the purpose and the trivial accessories in my life. My growing list of regrets has me stepping softly and slowly. Too many people who aren’t worthwhile plague my happiness. My expectations aren’t bred from want or need, but respect. Respect and kindness and all that I feel I would give in a heartbeat. But as my heart beats and yours cackles in the sun about the easygoing flow of life I wonder why you don’t question it. Why you never wrap your head around the what and why of our purpose here. As you walk all over me, forgetting from one day to the next how you broke me down to heartache one month and brought me up with a simple embrace the next. Wasting my time, wasting my life with unimportant purposelessness. Whether a friend who walks away with ease or a lover who can’t recognize my unending love. A lesson telling me to inhale steadily and exhale, “If you walk away I’m not coming after you.”Sometimes I assure myself that I’m a fighter. A persistent fighter that will give my everything to hold on, to get what I crave most out of life. But people fall out of our lives for a reason. I cannot stitch together ammends  to keep a friendship that won’t reckon to go on. Everywhere I turn a chapter of my life is continually closing as I stand in stubborn resistance trying to keep it all. Things that once brought you happiness and no longer don’t simply cannot be regained. Reasons beyod our knowing exist why it is that those people and situations fall away from our hearts, but maybe it is then that we must muster up the courage to recognize that part of our lives is past. Allowing it to fall away will lead to bigger stories, better chapters, more meaningful people, more passionate lovers that will give you their all. Friends and romances alike that will be willing to give you their heart as much you are to give them yours.

In my path to search for some purpose, a begging tugging pulling desire to feel the depths of the life I’ve been given, not only do I need to constantly do things that hold an importance but also surround myself with people that are important. Everyone else is secondary to the ones I share my heart with. I have such a expansive and glowing soul for other to see, a innermost being free for others to seek, and heart as huge as life itself to share. And if you come searching “I’ll allow you to find me. I’ll bare my bruised and broken wounds with their all glorious beauty you care to discover.” Without a doubt, but with a purpose. Always.

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